I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
