seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
