it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
