I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
