had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
