stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
