Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
