I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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