eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
