epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
