The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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