Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize