I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
