1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
