How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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