I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I FOUND THE LEGS
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
