Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
