I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
