my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
high people should be assigned attendants
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
