We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
