She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
