so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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