Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
