he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
