I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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