So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
