just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
