I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
