; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i may or may not be watching the land before time
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You pole danced in your parka.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
