Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I got inside last night via doggy door
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
