the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
