Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
