How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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