When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
