Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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