I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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