Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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