We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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