If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
