so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
