i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
