My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
