By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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