You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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