oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
