I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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