I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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