I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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