She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
