and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
