Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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