and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
