You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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