walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
