9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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