I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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