member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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