I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
