I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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