Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
