dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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