Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
