What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
