yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
