she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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