im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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