Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
