no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize