i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
