I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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