Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sober January is a disaster.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
