this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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