If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize