I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
