my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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