He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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