Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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