in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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