Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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