i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
