Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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