your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize