The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
