Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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