I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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