I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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