I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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