At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
