How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
