Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
