We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
