sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
