Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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