fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
