whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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