strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
