If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
